Busy Busy Busy,

This month had been a busy one. We have a calendar that is color coded so that we can keep up with things at a quick glance. This month it looked like a bag of skittles had thrown up all lover our calendar.

This week I have to deep clean the house- 4 times. I will have to do it four times because I have a 3 year old son and a (3 year old) husband. My Grandmother is coming in on Thursday and Sam is excited. She will be staying the night with us on Thursday then we will be leaving Friday morning to head to Austin to see my baby sister graduate. I am still amazed that she is even old enough to graduate. I am so proud of her. Saturday on our way back home we are going to stop at Baylor to see my baby brother play baseball. Hopefully the nice coach for OSU will let him pitch. I have not see Buddy play since he was in high school.

After Buddy's game we will continue on our journey home. We will get up and go to church and then relax the rest of the day unless Maw Maw has things she wants to do. LOST finale is Sunday. They had better tie this puppy up because right now - the way I see it... the are scrambling to get everything answered.

Man- it is 9:48 and Sam is STILL sleeping. why does his do this on the week days when his daddy has to work and his mommy is up and ready to go by 8:00? it would have been nice on Saturday but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO we were up and at 'em at 7:00. Maybe I should go see if he is breathing.

We will be taking Maw Maw to the airport Monday. Then we will deep clean the house again on Tuesday. Then we will deep clean the house again Wednesday morning then we will pick up Stephen's mom at the airport that afternoon.

busy busy busy.

The Month of May.

I realize that this may be a hard blog to read - you may want to stop now. I have a millions things running through my head and they are all begging to get out. If you know me or my family you will know that the month of May is a hard month.

Today is my Momma's birthday. She would have been 58. That is so young to be gone.

The past 2 years I have slipped into a haze around May 1. I have a mood I can not shake. It leaves as quickly as the month of May.

This weekend is Mother's Day. My 3rd Mother's Day as a Mother. My 2nd Mother's Day without my Mother. My heart is still as heavy. When does it get better?

I miss her silliness. I miss hearing her gum pop. I miss her dancing in the car to the 5th Dimension while wearing her bug eyed sunglasses- before they were cool. We were so embarrassed.

I have a list of things I would give ANYTHING to have my Mom cook for me - just one last time. Last night I attempted to make salmon patties myself. It did not work out too well. When I failed, it was hard. I have been on a hunt for a cake recipe she used to make me for my birthday. She had found it either on a Karo Syrup bottle or a Karo Syrup coupon. It was for a chocolate cake that was round and single layer. It was really dense like brownies. It had walnuts in it. She covered it in raspberry syrup. That recipe was lost and she did not remember it. I contact Karo often and never get anywhere. I miss her chicken and dumplings. I remember as a kid sitting at the table pushing it around on my plate not happy with the menu for that night. Hind sight... right.

Why is it that I can not really remember anything that was said at her funeral. I do not remember sound at all but I can replay it in my mind like a movie. I can still smell the flowers. If I pass them in the grocery store- it flashes in my mind.

I miss her so much. I think about her everyday. It has not gotten any easier- putting up the front has- but it is still so hard.

It will be 3 years the end of this month

update.

Humble. Content. Loved. Excited about life. Tired. Busy. Creative.

These are a few ways to describe how life has been.

Life has been so busy with the normal day to day things that I slipped into a blah mood and it seemed like I was just going through the motions. Today I took a step back and looked at everything going on right before my eyes and had to smile.

Sam started preschool classes in March. He is gone for 2 hours 2 days a week. He as learned so much. My 3 year old knows his right from his left. That is something his Mommy still struggles with. He loves his teachers and his friends.

He also started Small Fry Soccer. If you are ever in need of a good laugh find out when the toddler league play and go watch a few games. It does not matter which goal they kick it in- a goal is a goal. His last game is a week from Saturday. Then we will start swimming lessons.

Stephen and I have been spending more time together. I guess not really more time but adult time. We have been going and sitting on the porch with a beer or glass of wine and just talking about stuff. Sometimes we actually have other stuff to talk about other than Sam. I feel like we have reconnected and it was much needed. I have never felt more in love than I am today. Tomorrow I will say the same and it will be true.

I have been sewing and getting ready for babies that are coming- no not our babies- not yet but we have been talking about it more and more everyday. It seems like there was a baby boom - I dodged it this time but most of my friends were hit. So many baby boys will be here late summer and early fall and that is exciting.

My little sister that is not so little anymore will be walking the stage at her college graduation in a couple of weeks. It does not seem like she should be old enough to drive, vote, drink, or graduate. When did that happen? I am so proud of her. I have learned a lot from her. If I could have an ounce of her determination...