The cursor is blinking at me taunting me to just type and get everything all out. I have so much going on in my head that it can not all form into words. Maybe I will try a list.
1. My shower was wonderful. I woke up yesterday morning around 5:30 with so many feelings that all I could do was sit at the foot of the bed and cry. I was like a kid waking up on Christmas morning but at the same time I felt a panic attack coming on because since we got in so late Friday (around 2:00 am) I did not get everything that I needed to get done.
BLINK BLINK BLINK ok no list just type.
I heard my grandmother in her room getting ready to go to work. She has moved in with my Dad so that the house is not as empty. I started walking around the house not knowing what I was looking for. I don't know if I expected to find my mother in her bathroom getting ready for the day or sitting at the table drinking her coffee and reading the paper with the weather channel on in the back ground. That used to annoy me so much and for reason I do not know. I would love to have that back.
It hit me yesterday morning that it was going to be hard being in the house preparing for my shower with Mom not here. I then realized that it is only going to get harder the closer the wedding gets here. I picked up my phone to call her the other day. I had to ask her something wedding related. I realized as I started dialing and laughed to myself.
Once my shower started I was still a big ball of nerves but i was starting to calm down a bit. When it came time to open gifts I reached for a bag and in it- towels and candles and decor for our home. The next box I see is a shiny gold box. I opened it and instantly began crying. In it was a cookbook I wrote in high school for a class, a stocking I made in 1st grade, and a stack of recipes. Every single one was in mom's handwriting. At this point I am shaking so hard and can not yet speak. I go further into the box to find 2 orange bowls that were out of my mothers kitchen. My Dad gave me the best gift of all - my Mom.
I asked one thing for my shower - I really wanted recipes. I love using cook books but I want recipes from people I know. Things that they like and would want to share. They could have got it out of their cookbook - I do not care. They liked it enough to share so it was theirs. As I continued opening gifts my hands were still shaking. I began finding recipe cards in the envelopes or paper clipped to the gift bags. Every other recipe was in my mother's hand writing. By the end of the shower over 50% of the recipes I received were my mother's. They were all recipes that I had never seen before.
