The Küntz Family

Top 12 Things I am Thankful for.

2011-11-24T04:11:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for a God that is forgiving of my faults.
I am thankful for my husband. Stephen is the most kind and loving man that I know and I really do not deserve him. He takes wonderful care of us and is a great Daddy.
I am thankful for Sam. That kid drives me crazy-(paying for my raising... I think so!) He is so smart and I see him growing everyday. I love him to pieces.
I am thankful that I am able to be a stay at home Mom. I means the world to me that I am able to be with Sam during the day. We have a lot of fun learning new things, going new places, and being lazy watching movies.
I am thankful for my family. I am a lucky girl. I have a large family - from brothers and sisters to 1st 2nd and 3rd cousins and the greats- there is nothing small about my family. I love my family so much and look forward to the time that I get to spend with them.
I am thankful for Stephen's employment. Whendriving to the airport Tuesday to pick up Stephen's Mom, we saw so many homeless people begging for change on the corners. It hurt our hearts that we only had a little cash and could not help everyone. It made me think about how there are so many people that can not find work right now. We are always so focused on how unhappy Stephen is with his current employment situation that we often miss the bigger picture.
I am thankful for my Mother in Law. I am very fortunate to have a mother in law that is easy to get along with.
I am thankful for my daily phone calls with my Gus. I am proud of the woman she has grown into. I am SO thankful that the little annoying girl that followed me and my friends around - begging to play too has grown up and is now one of my best friends. I love her and would not trade her for anything.
I am thankful for my daily talks with my Maw Maw. I know that we do not see eye to eye on much but I am thankful that I am able to call home and talk to her everyday. I miss her terribly since we have moved.
I am thankful for the roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and food in our bellies.
I am thankful that I had a Mother that showed me theimportance of tradition. This year I am cooking the full Thanksgiving feast. I cook every item that was on my Mom's menu. She spoiled us so much. I have thought about her a lot while cooking. Maybe it is because I am using most of her recipes. I miss her so much that words can not describe it.
I am thankful for my friends. I have to say I do have some pretty awesome friends. I have forever friends that I would consider family and I love them dearly.

There is much more that I am Thankful for but I am going to have to cap it at 12 or we will be here all day and our turkey and ham and stuff will not get cooked.

I hope each and everyone of you have thought about w

hat you are thankful for and that you are gluttonous today!

Close but no cigar.

2011-05-31T18:40:00.000-07:00

Last week Stephen was contacted about a job. This job would have been perfect for us. We have so many dreams that are "normal" dreams. I say "normal" because it is stuff that most people have - standard living. With this job we would have been able to have a house by this time next year - not just any house but the reasonable house we really want but can not [responsibly] afford on his current salary. If he would have got the job we would have celebrated by working on our second child... something I am so crazy for at this moment. We would have bought a second car with in a few months. So a house, a second [and last]child, and a second car- all standard things that people have... but we do not. We were both waiting impatiently for the phone to ring - he was waiting for the call from the job, I was waiting for the call from him.

Today we received the news that he was a great candidate...but they went with someone else. He is handling it much better than I thought he would. I am on the other hand extremely upset. I saw everything coming into place for our little family and then it all came to a screeching halt.

So I guess back to the drawing board.

Long time no blog.

2011-04-14T09:43:00.001-07:00

It has nearly been a year since my last blog. I really do not have much to report.

We are coming up on the anniversary of my moms death and I am sinking into my seasonal depression.

It is really hard.

Our Little SAMFISH!

2010-06-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

We took Sam to a 1 week long swimming lesson at Wrinkled-Feet in Carrollton. He is now a little SAMfish. The first day we were driving in the car to his lesson and all we heard was how excited he was to see his friend from soccer- Cameron.

At his lessons the parents were asked to drop the kids off for the hour and let them learn- so we had to leave. When we came back Ms. Stacie said that all of the kids had opened their eyes under water. Sam was still very excited about swimming. The next day he was still so excited that he was ready to go back by noon! When we got there we learned that all of the kids would be going completely under... we knew the excitement would quickly be gone. Sure enough he was still crying when we picked him up and he was named by the other kids in his class - the kids who cries a lot. The next few days we would get in the car to head to lessons and as soon as we got on the highway he would start crying- turn around go backwards go home. He would cry and cry some more but we dropped him off anyway and he was always happy by the time we picked him up. Today there were no tears at all and Ms. Stacie had to ask us if he was the same kid. He was such a ham ( as always) and showed off for all of the parents with cameras. Here are some videos and pictures.

Busy Busy Busy,

2010-05-17T07:36:00.001-07:00

This month had been a busy one. We have a calendar that is color coded so that we can keep up with things at a quick glance. This month it looked like a bag of skittles had thrown up all lover our calendar.

This week I have to deep clean the house- 4 times. I will have to do it four times because I have a 3 year old son and a (3 year old) husband. My Grandmother is coming in on Thursday and Sam is excited. She will be staying the night with us on Thursday then we will be leaving Friday morning to head to Austin to see my baby sister graduate. I am still amazed that she is even old enough to graduate. I am so proud of her. Saturday on our way back home we are going to stop at Baylor to see my baby brother play baseball. Hopefully the nice coach for OSU will let him pitch. I have not see Buddy play since he was in high school.

After Buddy's game we will continue on our journey home. We will get up and go to church and then relax the rest of the day unless Maw Maw has things she wants to do. LOST finale is Sunday. They had better tie this puppy up because right now - the way I see it... the are scrambling to get everything answered.

Man- it is 9:48 and Sam is STILL sleeping. why does his do this on the week days when his daddy has to work and his mommy is up and ready to go by 8:00? it would have been nice on Saturday but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO we were up and at 'em at 7:00. Maybe I should go see if he is breathing.

We will be taking Maw Maw to the airport Monday. Then we will deep clean the house again on Tuesday. Then we will deep clean the house again Wednesday morning then we will pick up Stephen's mom at the airport that afternoon.

busy busy busy.

The Month of May.

2010-05-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

I realize that this may be a hard blog to read - you may want to stop now. I have a millions things running through my head and they are all begging to get out. If you know me or my family you will know that the month of May is a hard month.

Today is my Momma's birthday. She would have been 58. That is so young to be gone.

The past 2 years I have slipped into a haze around May 1. I have a mood I can not shake. It leaves as quickly as the month of May.

This weekend is Mother's Day. My 3rd Mother's Day as a Mother. My 2nd Mother's Day without my Mother. My heart is still as heavy. When does it get better?

I miss her silliness. I miss hearing her gum pop. I miss her dancing in the car to the 5th Dimension while wearing her bug eyed sunglasses- before they were cool. We were so embarrassed.

I have a list of things I would give ANYTHING to have my Mom cook for me - just one last time. Last night I attempted to make salmon patties myself. It did not work out too well. When I failed, it was hard. I have been on a hunt for a cake recipe she used to make me for my birthday. She had found it either on a Karo Syrup bottle or a Karo Syrup coupon. It was for a chocolate cake that was round and single layer. It was really dense like brownies. It had walnuts in it. She covered it in raspberry syrup. That recipe was lost and she did not remember it. I contact Karo often and never get anywhere. I miss her chicken and dumplings. I remember as a kid sitting at the table pushing it around on my plate not happy with the menu for that night. Hind sight... right.

Why is it that I can not really remember anything that was said at her funeral. I do not remember sound at all but I can replay it in my mind like a movie. I can still smell the flowers. If I pass them in the grocery store- it flashes in my mind.

I miss her so much. I think about her everyday. It has not gotten any easier- putting up the front has- but it is still so hard.

It will be 3 years the end of this month

update.

2010-05-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

Humble. Content. Loved. Excited about life. Tired. Busy. Creative.

These are a few ways to describe how life has been.

Life has been so busy with the normal day to day things that I slipped into a blah mood and it seemed like I was just going through the motions. Today I took a step back and looked at everything going on right before my eyes and had to smile.

Sam started preschool classes in March. He is gone for 2 hours 2 days a week. He as learned so much. My 3 year old knows his right from his left. That is something his Mommy still struggles with. He loves his teachers and his friends.

He also started Small Fry Soccer. If you are ever in need of a good laugh find out when the toddler league play and go watch a few games. It does not matter which goal they kick it in- a goal is a goal. His last game is a week from Saturday. Then we will start swimming lessons.

Stephen and I have been spending more time together. I guess not really more time but adult time. We have been going and sitting on the porch with a beer or glass of wine and just talking about stuff. Sometimes we actually have other stuff to talk about other than Sam. I feel like we have reconnected and it was much needed. I have never felt more in love than I am today. Tomorrow I will say the same and it will be true.

I have been sewing and getting ready for babies that are coming- no not our babies- not yet but we have been talking about it more and more everyday. It seems like there was a baby boom - I dodged it this time but most of my friends were hit. So many baby boys will be here late summer and early fall and that is exciting.

My little sister that is not so little anymore will be walking the stage at her college graduation in a couple of weeks. It does not seem like she should be old enough to drive, vote, drink, or graduate. When did that happen? I am so proud of her. I have learned a lot from her. If I could have an ounce of her determination...

Somethings in Life You Have to be a Little OCD about... or is it Just me?

2010-03-30T07:16:00.000-07:00

The definition of JoAnna is

–noun

a female given name. Christian. Singer. Dancer. Quirky. Stubborn. Daughter. Thoughtful. Strong. Loving. Silly. Bold. Mother and wife. Someone that tries. Not a quitter. Sister.Obsessive Compulsive.

I have some Obsessive Compulsive tendencies. Most of them are absolutely ridiculous or so I have been told by my husband, family and friends. I however disagree. Surely I am not the only person on the Earth that gags when paper towels are used to clean kitchen cabinets. I am sure that Jerry Seinfeld and George Costanza would break up for that. I can see an entire episode now...

George: "SHE CLEANS WITH PAPER TOWELS JERRY!"

Jerry: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE CLEANS WITH PAPER TOWELS? Is is a preemptive cleaning and she will come back to battle with a cleaning rag?"

So since I have decided to think about all this little stuff that makes me OCD quirky.

Cleaning with paper towels makes me gag. I can handle using them to do a quick once over before I bust out the bleach and a rag and for mirrors, tv's and windows.I have no idea why this bothers me so much but it does. The only logic explanation I can find is that they get soggy- but it also gags me when others do it and I see it?
I like things to be straight. I have laid in bed and had to get up to fix things that were crooked.
My closet is the MOST (maybe only) organized place in my entire house. See I have selective OCD. My closet is arranged from tanks,solid T's, dress shirts,graphic T's,and Dresses on the top and shorts, skirts, jeans, dress pants, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, and coats. That does not sound so crazy does it? Well here it is... I have them all grouped by the type of fabric and from there they are grouped by color and from there they are grouped what I like most. If Stephen puts my clothes up I actually know if something is not in its place.
When I make the bed wrinkles are not acceptable. Everything has to be even- equal amounts of hangege on all sides.It just feels so much better that way.
When eating I have to eat things in order. If I were to have a plate with steak, green beans, and baked potato on it I would have to eat the steak first- every last bite before I can move on to the green beans. Then I have to finish all of my green beans before I can even touch my potato. This is how I am with all meals.

Well that is all the fun I have time for for now- Duty calls... that is code for newly potty trained toddler.

Needing to Vent.

2010-02-03T17:03:00.000-08:00

What do you do when your whole life you have been the person that everyone you love sits and waits for you to screw up? What do you do when they are right and you do screw up? I have hurt so many people in my past and done a lot of things that I am not proud of. Things that I can never go back and make right things that will hurt my loved ones forever. There is a whole in my heart because of the things I have done. Mr. Samuel Hayden is my saving grace. If he had not come along I would probably be lying dead in a gutter or be in prison. When I found out he was coming I had no idea what to do. I turned to one family member that I thought would always have my back. I thought she did but I was wrong. If I did not have my friends Mary and Kyle at that time of my life I do not know what I would have done. I do not think I have ever really told them thank you the way that I need to. Maybe one day when I win the lottery I will make sure they are set for life. Wishful thinking, I know.

I am one of 5 kids. I am the middle of 5 kids. I have middle child syndrome. I remember being a little girl and going into my sisters room one morning and completely dressing myself head to toe in her clothes and walking out the door to walk to school. Although I was chubby, her freshman clothes were still too big for my second grade body. Her feet were bigger than mine so I had stuffed the tips of her shoes with toilet paper. I wanted to have glasses just like her (little did I know I would in a months time) so I even found an old pair under the bathroom counter. I slipped them in my coat pocket and bundled up and walked out the front door. That morning in class sitting there in my chair wearing my sisters glasses I remembered that I had left the curling iron on in her room. I began to get worried that the house would burn down and my Mom and baby sister and brother were there. I began to cry. The principal had been in our class observing and had gotten up to leave when she heard my teacher ask me what was wrong and if I wanted to go to the hall and talk to her. In the hall I told them that the curling iron was on and that the house would catch on fire and that I was worried. The principal said she would handle it and went to her office to call my Mom to let her know. She asked my Mom why I would be so afraid of the curling iron being left on. My Mom simply laughed and said her Daddy is a fireman.

I have always looked up to my sister. I have wanted to be just like her my whole life.

In the past year I have learned that you should not put people on such high pedestals because it hurts you more than them when they fall off. Right now I feel like she is heading down a downward spiral like I did and all I can do is watch her crash and burn. I know I am her little sister but did she not learn anything from my mistakes. Maybe if she had not been loving to my face and pointing her finger behind my back she would have had a few minutes to take notes... WHAT NOT TO DO....

I am now in a hard position. I love her and my whole life all I have ever wanted is a friendship with her. We have always been spread apart in age to where that really was not possible. Then when we were both older we were spread by 300+ miles. Now we live 30 minutes away from one another and I dread it when I get a text (because you can't TALK on the phone you might get brain cancer). All I can think is what now. I have to admit she has been better since Christmas with random texts to say hi or how are you, but I can't help but wonder what is gonna come next. I have been afraid to tell her no for the fear that she won't want my friendship anymore... it is sick I know - at least I see it. I feel like as long as I have something to offer I am a friend.

Right now I am sick to my stomach thinking about all that she has had handed to her - things that we are working so hard to get. I should be happy for her but I can't be. Not when she is still asking for loans from us. She always pays us back but sometimes we do not have it to give.

I told her NO for the first time tonight. If things do not change soon I do not know what I will do. I can not continue to set here and feel used. I want my sister back. I want my friend.

New Year New List.

2010-01-01T09:40:00.000-08:00

We have got to get Sam-bone potty trained ASAP. He understands the concept. He tells us when he wants to be changed- every 15 minutes... So why can he not just sit down on the potty and go? At this point we will be sending him to college in his bumpers.
We need to get this house cleaned and organized. We were so close to having it exactly as we wanted it and then life happened. We left for the wedding and came back with more stuff then we knew what to do with. So what did we do? We went and spent all of our gift cards (that our loving friends and family gave us) on more stuff that we had to have. We should have planned this better and had places for the first wave of stuff before we brought the second wave home! We will know for the future as this applies to Christmas and birthdays as well!
We will be healthier. Stephen and I have gained so much weight it is ridiculous. We are slowly turning into a family of weebles. (they weeble and wobble and wont fall down) We need to be more aware of the food we are putting into our bodies. Not go on a diet because diets are stupid and they do not work.
We need to start saving money more affectively. When we first moved here we felt like we had to go DO something everyday. Doing stuff cost money and we were never home. We were paying for our very nice apartment and very nice cable and we were never here to enjoy it. Instead we were out spending money like tourists. We have finally gotten to a point where we can stay at home all weekend and enjoy it.
We need to be better people- not necessarily nicer but better or smarter. We need to take care of ourselves and each other. We need to set goals and stick with them not come up with excuses of why we have not met the goals. We want to be better off this year than we were last year.
JoAnna wants to be better about sending Thank you cards.
JoAnna wants to be a better Mom. I feel like sometimes I am short fused with Sam and maybe I should interact with him more.
Stephen wants to be better on his follow through with things. Finish what he starts.
Stephen wants to find the perfect Chicken Panang and Egg rolls and Fish Sauce in the DFW area.
Sam needs to learn to ride his tricycle completely by himself. He was so close before it got cold. He would pedal a foot and stop and he does not quite understand the concept of turning.
We as parents need to be more encouraging.
JoAnna wants to find time to do more things I love and be more creative.
Stephen wants to find time to read more and go to coffee shops.
We want to save for a vacation, house, and possibly another baby.
JoAnna wants to learn to control my temper and hold my tongue. If you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all.
We should spend more time outside when it gets warmer.
Stephen would like to be better at his job. I want to find a way to rise up to a higher position, have more responsibilities, and make more money in this economy.
Stephen wants to treat my family better. I want to call my Mother and Aunt more and find a way to see each other more often.
Stephen wants my Aunt Gretchen and Sam to finally meet this year- hopefully she can make it down in March.
Stephen wants to find the time to see his friends.
JoAnna wants to learn how to find a beat and keep it.
Sam needs to learn the difference in Orange and Yellow.
JoAnna wants to find new recipes and cook them.
JoAnna wants to finally get around to putting pictures in all the frames around the house- all the people that came in the frames are starting to creep me out.
We need to be more thankful for what we DO have and stop taking things for-granted.

Through my Mother's Eyes.

2009-12-17T10:01:00.000-08:00

This Christmas season has been particularly hard for me. I am not sure exactly why. I don't know if it is because everything has changed or I am turning into the Grinch the older I get. This year holidays are not the same. With Sam getting older and starting to understand we are starting to create our own family traditions. While new traditions for our little family are great I still yearn for things the way they were.

I have really been trying to be the AWESOME holiday Mom for Sam that my Mom was for me. Christmas was her thing. I would sarcastically say my mother began preparing for Christmas in June and July but if I think really hard I am sure I will remember that sometimes she did. I was really sad after Thanksgiving. I do not know if it was because we did not go home and I was home sick for my family or if it was because the meal I prepared was not as good as it is when there are many women crammed into the kitchen preparing it.

I have kicked it into high gear getting stuff done. In a way it makes me feel closer to her. I love looking at wrapping paper and this Christmas it has been my secret addiction. I have kept it under control though. I had paper left over from the years past but most of it did not survive the move. I had to get Sam a couple rolls of his favorites- Mickey Mouse and Handy Manny and then I got a few rolls of paper I thought was pretty. I could sit and wrap presents for hours. In fact I did and when I had nothing left to wrap I felt like I needed to go shopping to get more stuff to wrap. It is a sickness really.

We never got around to buying stocking for here at the house. We all have a stocking at Dad's house and that is where Santa comes so we never bought any. This year I decided that I was going to go through all of the fabric that I got when Mom died. She used to make Christmas Sweatshirts and had tons of Christmas fabric. I found a piece that had the pattern for a Santa apron that was dated 1983. I cut it up and made Sam a stocking. To me it is better than any stocking we could have bought him. It means something. Years from now he will have it and know that his mother made it for him using fabric that belonged to his grandmother. Maybe he will be as sentimental as I am and think it is awesome.

Something I realized as I was hunched over the ironing board and sewing machine is that I remember my Mother sitting and doing the same thing around Christmas. After I finished Sam's stocking I realized that the BELIEVE one I use and the cheap crap one we have for Stephen don't really don'xt go together so I am making both of us one to coordinate.

Doing things like this makes me feel closer to her.

Holiday Depression is in the Air Mixed with Peppermint, Pine, Gingerbread, and Cinnamon of Course.

2009-12-03T06:58:00.000-08:00

We had a good Thanksgiving at home. Stephen's mom flew in and stayed with us and I cooked everything from my Thanksgivings past. We had so much left over that we finally had to draw a line and say enough is enough- NO MORE LEFT OVERS!

We put the mother in law and Sam in bed and ventured out to stand in line at Toys'r us at 10:45.

We got in at midnight and we were out by 12:30. We got some really great stuff and then headed out to sit in line at target until they opened at 5. Since we live a block away from Target we took shift going home for more coffee and potty breaks and to check on the boy. We had a great time sitting in the the cold and meeting people that were just as crazy as we are.

Friday I put my tree up and got it decorated and a few gifts wrapped and stacked under it. That is when it all set in. Christmas has not been the same the past couple of years this year will be 3 to be exact. This year is harder than usual and I do not know why. I don't know if it is because I am away from my family - away from home- away from her presence.

Our last Christmas with Mom I was big fat and pregnant with Sam. I sat in the floor in the living room and wrapped presents until my fingers hurtand legs swelled up to the point they were thighs connected to ankles. We would get up and have our coffee, get dressed and then leave the house to go battle the crowd at the mall trying to finish up Christmas shopping. I can not even begin to tell you how many hours we spent at Hobby Lobby. We would go walk around and look, touch, or break (sometimes all three) everything we came in contact with. I would finally have to put my pregnant sausage of a foot down and say I HAVE TO EAT AND I NEED TO SIT DOWN. We would head towards the door and pay for anything we had in the basket go sit down and eat somewhere and then go back to finish where we had left off. She had me decorate the tree. She laid on the couch under a blanket with Phoebe on her lap and told me where things went. During her last days she told us that I would be the one to decorate the tree because she taught me how. Christmas was so important to her that she actually thought about that when she passed in May.

It has not been the same since she passed. It won't be- it shouldn't be. I have tried to take my little family and start traditions so that one day when Sam is older he will remember the holidays as I do. I want him to see me as wonderful as I saw my Mom.

So it has been really hard since Thanksgiving. I get get away from it. I am sad. I am tired. I am bitchy. I am emotional. I am easily angered. I am quiet. I feel horrible because I need to be the fun holiday Mom for Sam but it is really hard. I am sure I am not making things easy for Stephen either. We have not been fighting but I know he feels it too. When is this going to get easier? How can people just pick up their lives and be ok? I think I am for the most part - it is just the big things like showers and weddings and birthdays and holidays. How do I pull myself together and get through this?

We are going to make cookies to hang on the tree this week. Mom used to make gingerbread men and popcorn balls and hang them all over the tree. They would be gone by Christmas. My sister Jessi was 1 on her 2nd Christmas (November baby) and mom had her rolling around the house in a walker. That year we had hung cookies on the tree just like every other year but that year every cookie in Jessi's reach were amputees. I know we have a picture somewhere of her up next to the tree with a gingerbread leg up to her mouth- no hands just leaning into the tree to bite the cookie. Maybe one day we will find it.

Maybe I will find a way to get out of this funk. If I don't it is not for lack of trying.

Lazarus and Which Wich.

2009-11-09T10:27:00.000-08:00

This weekend we went and ate at Which Wich in Southlake. We were just out and about and thought we would try to eat somewhere we had never been. We pulled our honda into a parking spot sandwiched in between a Lexus and an Audi. Next to them Parked Bmw's, Acuras, and so on so our little 4 door sedan was silently singing to itself...which one of these is not like the others... which one of these does not belong...

We walk into to the restaurant not really knowing what to expect. It was a great concept and we grabbed our sandwich bag/menu and started trying to decide what we are going to have on our sandwiches... So many choices. When I was stepping up to give our orders to the lady behind the counter a man with a shiny watch leaned in behind me rested his hand on the counter and said something in an angry voice to the employees behind the counter. I started looking behind me to see what he was so upset about and saw nothing. I was not really listening to WHAT the man said but heard HOW he said it. I assumed they messed his order up or something. When he was done I stepped up tot he counter and put in my order. I saw Stephen's mood shift.

He did not tell me what bothered him so badly until we were in the car leaving Southlake. He said that he did not care for the people. He went on to tell me what the man was throwing the fit about. He said that while we were in line a beggar had come in and was going from table to table explaining that he was tired and hungry. The man was absolutely outraged that a beggar was in the restaurant that him and his silver spoon fed family were eating. The man threw a fit and was SO angry because someone had asked him for food.

My first reaction when Stephen told me this was -WHY DID YOU NOT SAY SOMETHING WHILE I WAS STANDING THERE? I would have shown Mr. Shiny Watch how to compassionately treat a person. I could not believe he acted like the jerk that he did. Now there are a couple of scenarios that would have made this situation different. 1) If the establishment were to kick the beggar out it would be their choice- But was is necessary for Mr. Shiny Watch to go tattle-tale and cause the commotion he did? 2) IF it was necessary for Mr. Shiny Watch to tattle-tale could he have done so in a more respectful manor? Could he have quietly and discreetly informed management? 3) Was he causing harm to anyone around him? There is a difference in being uncomfortable and being harmed.

Think about this made me think of the story of Lazarus. Jesus told a story about a beggar, Lazarus, and a rich man. Lazarus had begged daily in front of this rich man's house but the rich man never gave him anything. Both men died. The beggar found himself in comfort with Abraham, but the rich man was in agony in a burning fire. He was so thirsty he asked Abraham to send the beggar to get him water to cool his tongue. Abraham reminded the rich man that he was reaping what he had sowed in the way he had treated the beggar when they both lived. He refused his request.

I am curious to know if this was normal behavior for Mr. Shiny Watch. I have declined to help people- beggars. I do it politely. But also I do help them when I can.

Do you think Mr. Shiny Watch will get the water to cool his tongue? Do you think he will expect it?

Since my last post..

2009-11-05T06:29:00.000-08:00

We took Sam to see his very first movie early Halloween morning. We got a drink, snacks, and his first bag of movie theater pop corn. He sat through 3/4 of the movie and then stood and jumped and shouted and shrieked through the last 1/4. Now he starts every morning asking if we can get in the car and go watch Meatballs.

Halloween night was less than fun. Sam was given the choice Scooby or Mickey Mouse for

costumes. He chose Scooby so we got him a great costume. He wore it once... for less than 5 minutes ... the day we got it... and he cried pretty much the whole time- but i did manage to get one picture.

Last minute we had to find a back up costume so we got him an oversized green shirt, some brown cords, and drew chin hair on him with my brown eyeliner and he carried his stuffed Scooby. AH our little Shaggy.

We have joined a play group and do various activities with them throughout the week. Since we had nothing to do for Halloween we decided to go to the planned event for Halloween in Lewisville. It was described as businesses in the metroplex coming to the park and having booths and handing out candy. We got there and had to park a 20 minute walk away. When we actually go to the park it was completely dark and there were not any lights and Sam ended up with 20-30 pieces of candy that he is not yet old enough to eat. (mostly jawbreakers and gum) I felt like a horrible parent because this is the first year he could really have fun and it sucked. We spent the rest of our evening letting him eat a happy meal and play at McDonalds.

Sunday-

We got up early and went to our first Sunday school class and church. We have been attending church at Irving Bible Church and so far so good. We have joined a class before church called the tree. Right now we are going over Song of Solomon. I am completely amazed how we go to one class and already I see a difference in our relationship. I also see a side of Stephen that I have heard about and occasionally have seen a glimmer. We had been sitting in our chair no more than 10 minutes when he has already volunteered to help out with carrying in Thanksgiving donations and helping with the angel tree. When we got home we actually started implementing the things that we discussed during the study. I am really looking forward to this next Sunday... If we are not sick.

The sickness-

It started Monday. I was loving the time change. Stephen got up earlier than normal to get ready for work. I was lying in bed with the pillow over my head trying to pretend that Monday was not yet here. Half in and out of Sleep my blood shot eyes were opened by the sound of Stephen banging stuff around in the kitchen. At first I was thinking what the... then I realized he was getting up early to make me coffee... to serve me. He got up early and tried not to wake me made coffee and set the coffee timer. He wrote a sweet note thanking me for all that I do for him and left it on the fridge. I laid in bed and waited for him to get in the shower and snuck into the bathroom and took a towel. I put a towel in the dryer for him and greeted him with it as soon as I heard the water shut off. While he got ready I made him a bagel and packed his lunch - I had forgotten to pack it the night before. What a difference it makes when you serve one another.

After he left I had my coffee and then began housework. I was feeling SO ambitious and productive... until I cleaned the ceiling fans. I got a face full of dust and it was all down hill from there. I started feeling fuzzy faced so I thought it was my allergies from all the dust. I continued to dust the entire house and vacuum and then I lost all steam. I laid down and did not move until I had to cook dinner. By the time Stephen got home I had a fever and face full of snot. Stephen has been taking care of me ever since. I have let the housework go and have been camping on the couch all week. I saw the doctor yesterday got some antibiotics and I am now on my road to recovery. Stephen is now getting sick and saw the doctor today. I am determined that I am going to make myself feel good today and get my list of housework done so I can take care of him like he has taken care of me. Then we will both get to take care of Sam because I am sure he is next... but I hope not.

Married life.

2009-10-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

Would you believe me that after dating off and on for 4 years, a 2 year old, and moving to a different city and living together for the first time - a month before the wedding- Married life feels different.

This is something I can not explain but the funny thing is - He has told people the same thing.

We have been attending a new church since we have moved down here. Irving Bible Church. It is a BIG church. I have never been a fan of these mega churches but for some reason when we walked in it felt like we had always been there.

Sam and I have joined a play group that meets several times a week and that has been a lot of fun.

Well that is about it for this boring day. It is rainy and Sam and I have been loafing around watching DVR Blues Clues and Gooby DOO.

I guess we will now run to the store and get stuff for chilli.

more later.

The wedding is approaching

2009-09-13T07:12:00.001-07:00

The cursor is blinking at me taunting me to just type and get everything all out. I have so much going on in my head that it can not all form into words. Maybe I will try a list.

1. My shower was wonderful. I woke up yesterday morning around 5:30 with so many feelings that all I could do was sit at the foot of the bed and cry. I was like a kid waking up on Christmas morning but at the same time I felt a panic attack coming on because since we got in so late Friday (around 2:00 am) I did not get everything that I needed to get done.

BLINK BLINK BLINK ok no list just type.

I heard my grandmother in her room getting ready to go to work. She has moved in with my Dad so that the house is not as empty. I started walking around the house not knowing what I was looking for. I don't know if I expected to find my mother in her bathroom getting ready for the day or sitting at the table drinking her coffee and reading the paper with the weather channel on in the back ground. That used to annoy me so much and for reason I do not know. I would love to have that back.

It hit me yesterday morning that it was going to be hard being in the house preparing for my shower with Mom not here. I then realized that it is only going to get harder the closer the wedding gets here. I picked up my phone to call her the other day. I had to ask her something wedding related. I realized as I started dialing and laughed to myself.

Once my shower started I was still a big ball of nerves but i was starting to calm down a bit. When it came time to open gifts I reached for a bag and in it- towels and candles and decor for our home. The next box I see is a shiny gold box. I opened it and instantly began crying. In it was a cookbook I wrote in high school for a class, a stocking I made in 1st grade, and a stack of recipes. Every single one was in mom's handwriting. At this point I am shaking so hard and can not yet speak. I go further into the box to find 2 orange bowls that were out of my mothers kitchen. My Dad gave me the best gift of all - my Mom.

I asked one thing for my shower - I really wanted recipes. I love using cook books but I want recipes from people I know. Things that they like and would want to share. They could have got it out of their cookbook - I do not care. They liked it enough to share so it was theirs. As I continued opening gifts my hands were still shaking. I began finding recipe cards in the envelopes or paper clipped to the gift bags. Every other recipe was in my mother's hand writing. By the end of the shower over 50% of the recipes I received were my mother's. They were all recipes that I had never seen before.

2009-07-18T08:30:00.001-07:00

So lately my little boy has had a lot to say and most of the time - when it is something I never want to forget I do not have a video camera anywhere near me.

Sam has been getting up extra early for the past few weeks. It leaves his momma stumbling around the house like a zombie screaming for coffee. He has decided that he wants to drink
coffee in the morning too. Every morning he brings me his cup and asks for coffee. I will get up and make me coffee and make him a cup of chocolate milk. We then sit on the couch and enjoy our coffee together while watching some cartoon on pbs.

He becoming pretty smart these days. He loves to color and so I have been trying to teach him the color names. I bought him a new package of markers and one of the colors was brown. When I asked him what color it was he said chocolate milk. I was VERY impressed that he could relate the two

This is the train he recently drew. I am so glad I was not a passenger on that train.

I asked him the other day what animals like pigs, cows, frog, dogs, and so on say. I then asked him what Mommy says and he pointed his finger at me and yelled "Don't throw Mac - Roni on the floor!" I laughed so hard because about a month ago I made him lunch and he grabbed a handful of macaroni and cheese he was refusing to eat and threw it in the floor. I told him not to throw it on the floor and made him go sit in time out on his bed.

Moving and Wedding Plans...

2009-07-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Wow it has been an incredibly long time since I have written a blog... I used to be really good about writing on myspace but have since moved away from myspace and have become more of a facebooker...

A lot has changed in the lives of Stephen, Sam and me in the last few months. We have finalized out moving plans to move to Las Colinas August 1 and we have kicked our wedding planning into high gear. We will be getting married Saturday October 19, 2009 at West Amarillo Christian Church in Amarillo Tx. I have been frantically trying to tie up loose ends before we move because we probably will not come back to Amarillo until September for my bridal shower and bridal pictures. I does panic me a bit that all of the last minute touches will either have to be able to be taken care of in Las Colinas or I will have to depend on some one else to do it. In the last 2 days I have managed to get the menu planned and cakes figured out. If only the rest of the planning would go this smooth I am sure I would have nothing to worry about.